Lena and I went on a friend trip to Saugatuck. More to follow re: the trip, but for context, here’s how the works of writing to follow came to fruition:
On the second morning of the trip, we were each to write our own pieces of reflection on the friendship trip thus far. No rules. No prompt. Not time-bound (though personally, I came to regret that one later as my hanger set in…).
We then read our own pieces to each other aloud. Finally, we discussed how we can thread the two into one piece that we’d write together.
So here’s the order of all that follows:
1. My piece.
2. Lena’s piece.
3. Our collabed piece.
Collectively, we’ve got a long reading journey ahead, so thanks in advance for humoring us – and buckle up, our hopefully forgiving, patient readers.
__
My piece:
the awkward advantage™️
One of Lena and my first stops in Saugatuck was Uncommon Coffee Roasters, known for its gay, rainbow bench out front (at least that’s what I tell myself). When we approached to order, Lena leads with a “Happy National Just Because Day” to our barista checking us out [not figuratively. Literally.. chill].
Rewind.
That morning, Lena wakes me with a loud, ALL CAPS:
“HAPPY BEST DAY EVER 2.0!!!!!!!! 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
WOW THIS IS FATE. WE ARE OFFICIALLY CELEBRATING NATIONAL JUST BECAUSE DAY.
WOW.”
It was extra serendipitous timing because I’d opened a snail mail card from Beck’s mom that morning that said, “just because.”
Turns out, our trip coincided with a holiday we’ve never celebrated before – and as people who have quite literally made up their own holiday, and then proceeded to dramatically celebrate it for a decade and counting thereafter – it does feel special.
—
Back to the coffee order, before I get grumpy.. the barista chuckles and responds with, “Happy National Just Because Day. I’ll apply my friends & family discount…. just because.”
I then take Lena’s renowned silicone bracelet off my wrist [dw, Lena has at least a hundred on deck at all times..] and proceed to hand it over: “well then, here’s a bracelet. her blog handle is on the inside,” strategically emphasized so that she’ll now know how to reach us.
We upgraded to referring to her as our Sidebraid Sister, since she mirrored having a sidebraid resembling Lena’s.. and.. well, now we’re family.
As we waited for our coffees, we blinked, then realized she was no longer working the register. Lena jokingly goes, “shit, do you think she got fired for applying her friends and family discount?” [we were both relieved to realize she didn’t].
—
It’s hard to describe the effect of existing alongside Lena. It’s probably tough for an outsider to fully understand unless they experience it themselves, but I’m gonna call it: The Awkward Advantage™️.
Respectfully, Lena is far from smooth with any of her exchanges with strangers. And she has A LOT of them. She’s simply… awkward. And it works to her advantage.
It’s why strangers smile back at us as strangers. It’s why our Jimmy John’s driver’s delivery ended with a group chat with an invite to our made-up holiday. It’s why we get the friends & family discount. It’s why the bearded guy who played sax live on some random patio praised us for swaying our mobile lighters to his sets, and blessed Lena with the title of his Body Guard after she shielded his expensive instruments from a drunk old guy stumbling, dancing.
Lena quite literally takes moments, translating random acts of kindness while also somehow making them random acts of awkward. It works. And we laugh for the most random reasons that wouldn’t.. and probably shouldn’t.. happen to others.
—
Lena’s moving to Iowa in a couple months, and it’s bittersweet (moreso the prefix side in real time as I sit across from her at the coffee shop of our Sidebraid Sister, while in our writing freestyle challenge, forcing myself not to look up at her, cuz eye contact could make it awkward).
Feels ~ vulnerable ~ to share that this trip was planned after I gifted Lena a paper airplane 5 years ago, as a voucher for an all-expenses-paid trip to anywhere after her heroic acts during my MentyB explosion of 2020. In retrospect, I should’ve slapped an expiration date on it so she could’ve added more pep to the redemption. Better late than never though.
It’s silly that she chose a short road trip to Saugatuck when I gave her the option of anywhere. But I’m also not at all surprised. With Lena, simplicities somehow result in the same grand that any international trip would bring. It doesn’t matter where we are together, we always leave with the most meaningful memz.
I have a feeling National Just Because Day is gonna become a staple celebration in our friendship for at least another decade.
And even when Lena moves away, I don’t think much will really change. We’ll still make strangers our friends. We’ll still make up reasons to celebrate. We’ll still find ourselves laughing at things that probably shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
Turns out, the Awkward Advantage™️ has kinda always been our home-court advantage.
And luckily, you can take that shit anywhere.
—-
Lena’s Piece:
A few weeks ago, I was sifting through my purple box of sentimental items. A volcanic eruption of letters, pictures, birthday cards, and one paper airplane.
A paper airplane?
The familiar elementary-looking handwriting on the outer wing tickled my memory as I unfolded the aerial origami to uncover Marty’s gift: a voucher for an all-inclusive friendship trip, anywhere, any time.
Five years later, here we are in Saugatuck, Michigan. Marty & Me. Thirty-six hours of pure us. Of course, we just happened to pick a random enough day (the last Thursday of August) to coincide with the second-best holiday in the world calendar: Just Because Day.
Shortly upon our afternoon arrival, we head to the Uncommon Coffee Roaster—the cozy, cabin-looking cafe, founded by fellow queers in 1994, with a rainbow bench to show for it. According to the shop’s Instagram bio, the cafe was the first safe space in the Saugatuck area.
“What are you going to get?” I eye the elaborate lists of seasonal cold brews and lattes.
Marty waffles between two cold brews—the Tree Hugger (maple-y) and the Don’t Be Salty (salted caramel)—and ultimately lands on the inferior Tree Hugger. I go with the salty.
As fate will have it, a sidebraided woman appears behind the iPad register.
“Happy Just Because Day,” Marty greets her.
The young woman smiles, unsure of how to interact with such a proclamation.
“It’s a real holiday!” Marty adds.
The three of us share a collective awkward giggle, then Marty and I order our cold brew selections as the woman’s finger dances around the iPad.
“Well, here’s my friends and family discount…just because,” she turns the iPad to face us. 50% our fancy schmancy $6.50-a-cup coffees!!
Before I can say thank you, Marty’s instincts take over.
“Here is a bracelet…just because.” My dear friend takes off her LET GO bracelet. “It has the name of her blog on the inside!” Talk dirty to me.
The woman accepts her silicone wristband as we share a collective, non-awkward, dare-I-say familial, laugh
“Thank you, Sister,” I wave goodbye. Welcome to Saugatuck, Just Because.
Marty and I spend the remainder of the afternoon talking, shooting hoops on an unforgiving backboard, talking, rocking in the rocking sofa in our hardware-store-converted AirBnB, talking, FaceTiming my in-laws (who have recently been inducted in The Marty Fan Club), talking, Google-Meeting with Todd (brother of IGD-co-founder Jodi), and more talking.
By 6:09 PM, Marty and I come face-to-face with Saugatuck Cinderella, the unassumed princess of the town’s 865 residents.
“Wow,” Marty’s eyes roll back.
“Amazing,” I nod.
Her name: White Fish Salad.
We dip pita, carrots, even celery into the gooey, fishy blob of goodness. Never had I questioned my love for tuna salad until now.
“SO GOOD,” I shovel as much white fish as possible onto my carrot stick.
As we indulge in our culinary Cinderella, Marty and I lead our talking trail to the Point-Of-No-Return: Romantic Love.
I describe married life with my Lucy. How special this time in our life has been. Our home growing, our Splash still puppying, our upcoming move to Iowa.
“Do you guys have ‘positive conflicts’ now that you’re married?” Marty uses the term my therapist had coined.
Oh let me tell ya about the cottage cheese conflict that broke out last week when I forgot to get one item on Lucy’s 5-item Trader Joe’s list
“Of course,” I smile, “but they feel different. Not life-shattering.”
I like to think I never take Lucy for granted, but perhaps it is in these moments, when I am sitting outside at a high-top table with a friend over a hundred miles away from my wife, that I realize just how fortunate I am to have our love story.
I interrogate Marty about her love life as a single girlie, and somewhere along the way I suggested that she dresses up as a “serious relationship” for Halloween with the girl she is casually dating (this can either land really well, or really awfully). As the pre-sunset light sparkles on Lake Michigan, Marty reflects more on her singlehood—the good, the bad, the awkward.
“Sometimes it feels amazing,” my friend glances at our shrunken mountain of white fish. “And other times, it’s lonely. I just want someone to cuddle.”
The water wooshes behind us, as I digest Marty’s words and go for another dose of white fish.
“Love is weird,” she says. Love is weird.
***
Okay, I have now been stalling for thirty minutes as Marty patiently sits across from in Uncommon Coffee Roaster. We had agreed to take an undefined amount of time to each blog about our trip so far. No rules. Just write. I have gotten this far, but I am STRUGGLE BUSSING to figure out how this all comes together—Just Because Day, white fish salad, Love is weird. I think I can buy 6.9 more minutes so here goes nothing.
As our 36-hour spree approaches its homestretch, I am finding it difficult to put into words what this time means to me. It’s been fun, YOLO-y, and sure the JUST BECAUSE mantra came into our life at just the right time. The white fish salad and dinner conversation on love equally filled me up. And our second trip to Uncommon this morning has been just as lovely as the first, even without the friends & family discount. However, if I had to conclude with what about this sacred time means the most to me, it all leads to this same timeless feeling, the endless record of talking with a lifelong friend, and the little moments of comfortable silence shared. The reality is that each of our lives have changed so much since Marty made me that flimsy paper airplane five years ago, but what hasn’t changed is this timeless feeling. Time can take so much from us and give so much to us, but this feeling I feel here with my dear friend in Saugatuck is on the list of things that are immune to time. It is Just Because Love, a lifetime family discount for 100% off Love, redeemable at all establishments, with or without a rainbow bench.
—
Our collabed piece:
happy birthday, Neil!
[2] M: Unbeknownst to both of us until the day of our trip, Lena added a little extra pick-me-up into my morning as I was sippin’ my ‘brew by telling me it was National Just Because Day. I still have no idea how that fact hit her feed/brain right before we were about to leave [hopefully by the time we’re done with it, she will reveal her secrets to her serendipity-inducing magic], but “Just Because,” naturally, became the theme for the full 36 hours that were to follow.
[1] L : A few weeks ago, I was sifting through my purple box of sentimental items. A volcanic eruption of letters, pictures, birthday cards, and one paper airplane.
A paper airplane?
The familiar elementary-looking handwriting on the outer wing tickled my memory as I unfolded the aerial origami to uncover Marty’s gift: a voucher for an all-inclusive friendship trip, anywhere, any time.
[3] M: It’s funny to experience this writing exercise debut of ours, and I’m still not sure that Lena yet understands the assignment given she’s click clackin’ away with some notes, before even knowing what comes next. By the way, that’s why the first three sections thus far were written a little out of order, despite the turn-taking we agreed upon – hence the 2, 1, 3 labels.
As Lena was writing her individual piece she asked me “how would you describe your handwriting?”
I replied: “not smarter than a 5th grader’s.”
And that somehow feels like an important clarifier to share after her “elementary-looking” translation, because I know she subconsciously chose that lingo since – given the type of friend she is – she’d never allow me to sell myself short.
[4] L: Okay Marty just handed me my writing kryptonite: a deadline! We have to get on the road in 30 minutes, and we have not even gotten our patient readers to Saugatuck. Here I thought I had perfectly set her up to dive into our adventures, after sharing the paper airplane backstory. But no. Instead she spent 127 words bullying me in Arial font and defending her “elementary-looking” handwriting (which, IMO, was a generous interpretation of her scribblerish).
To avoid losing any more patient readers (since clearly we have lost at least 3 fifth graders who are understandably offended from the remarks above), I will actually begin sharing our Saugatuck stories. Well story. We’re on a timer, so I will highlight the story that provides the best runway for a giant life metaphor (Neil–I will NOT be late to your birthday):
Shortly upon our afternoon arrival, we head to the Uncommon Coffee Roaster—the cozy, cabin-looking cafe, founded by fellow queers in 1994, with a rainbow bench to show for it. According to the shop’s Instagram bio, the cafe was the first safe space in the Saugatuck area.
I will now pass it to Marty–don’t Sauga-fuck this up.
M: The numbers were supposed to stop [again, Lena misunderstanding the assignment… classic], so there is now no [5].
Reporting live: I just said to Lena “wow you write faster when we’re fighting.” Meanwhile, now I am feeling both bullied to hurry, which is ironic given I was the one who gave her nearly a two hour grace period the first time around. Anywhom, I digress.. .
Uncommon Coffee Roaster. Since I’m feeling too-rushed to be allowed time to research – which, presumably, is what I imagine Lena defaulted to in order to discover both the historical facts of the cafe she’s never before been to, and the National Just Because holiday she’s never celebrated – I’m left wondering what coined the cafe’s name. ‘Cuz all I’ve ever known from the several times I’ve been there over the years now is its threads of commonalities: the rainbows that make us all feel seen. The people we’re with that make us all smiley-er than we otherwise would be. The caffeine that wakes us all up. So wtf is uncommon about it?
[5] L: OMG MARTY DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE ASSIGNMENT?! While I am sure the origin story of Uncommon’s name is a close second on the list of items our dear, oh-so-patient readers want to expend their next three minutes on, we are on a TIME CRUNCH. We must be on the road in ten minutes, which leaves Marty 6.9 minutes to tell our one Saugatuck story. GO.
[M]: what started as time-traveling to Saugatuck after Lena cashing in her “aerial origami,” and ended in our first ever fight in arial font, all somehow brings us back to the same story Lena and I both defaulted to independently – when we had at least 69 options from our 36 hours trip to choose from: the exchange with our Sidebraid Sister barista at Uncommon Coffee Roaster:
“Happy National Just Because Day,” Lena leads.
Sidebraid Sister: “Happy National Just Because Day. I’ll apply my friends & family discount…. just because.”
I then take Lena’s renowned custom @sidebraidstories silicone bracelet off my wrist [dw, she has at least a hundred on deck at all times..] and proceed to hand it to our Sidebraid Sister: “Well then, here’s a bracelet. Just because.”
L: Isn’t that what friendship is? A bunch of Just Becauses? Whether you are single or married or that old drunk guy at the Saugatuck tiki bar last night who almost knocked over a saxophone—we are all just looking for humans who will Just Because with us. No tit-for-tat (has “tit” always been in that expression?!), no keeping score. Just doing stuff with each other and doing stuff for each other (That’s what she said, for all who observe).
If you have a Just Becauser in your life, go Just Because them back. Make them a paper airplane. Get them a salted caramel cold brew (or a trenta Starbucks cold brew with 2 pumps of pumpkin, no ice…). Go write a blog post with them at a picnic table and giggle under your breath like lil fifth graders who just learned a naughty word.
[M&L]: As a reader of this post, you are officially entitled to a lifetime family discount for 100% off Love, redeemable at all establishments, with or without a rainbow bench.
Just Because,
Marty [yet to uncover how Lena uncovered National Just Because Day in the first place] & Lena [who Googled “what national day is it today?” on the morning of August 27th]
Ps. if you really did make it this far, we’d love for you to let us know… just because we’re not convinced anyone would actually reach the end. You can even do so by simply dropping us the quick secret IYKYK code: “just because.” We’ll then officially welcome you to the aforementioned lifetime family discount for 100% off Love club.
End time stamp: 4:30pm SHARP. (Neil – see you soon).
Hawaiian Princess Pieces 