I wish for everyone to find, embrace, and love the beauty of late-in-life friends, if it feels like that’s something you have, or if it’s something you’re looking for. Not to be confused with a late-in-life lesbian.. but perhaps that label finds you too. Or, if luck swings heavily in your favor, your late-in-life friends will be made up of a lot of lesbians.

It’s admirable when I hear people say they’ve had friends since diapers. And while that’s beautiful, it’s not often the case for most. In my case, I can’t say the Catholic conservative crowds from when I was a kiddo were gonna grow with me as I grew into my confident queerness. And I can’t say the former friends who I later learned voted for Trump were gonna be people I wanted on my life team either.

Looking around at my people – who’s around then versus now – I’m reminded that your favorite people might be ones who joined your life recently, later than you wish they could’ve. Or maybe your favorite friends haven’t even found you yet.

I found myself listening to The Right People Will Love You by Marielle Kraft on loop for exactly that reason. Because you’ll know when you have the right ones around: the people who will run to your rescue even when it’s inconvenient. And inconvenience in friendship is never really a nuisance when the care is genuine. The best friendships aren’t receipt-backed or rooted in some sort of invisible tally system; you just show up for each other because you love each other, and because you want to.

Friendship is at the core of my full-time job, so I think about it constantly, even outside the scope of my own experiences. I’m also realizing I’ve shown some sprinkles of real growth shifting away from my people-pleasing era.

Admittedly, I’m not a perfect friend. But while I hold a lot of research-backed knowledge in my brain about friendship, there are also a few things I really value, and habits I’ve implemented into my own friendships, in case any of it resonates with someone else:

1. Normalize friendship feedback.

For real. We get so comfortable dissecting romantic relationships while forgetting that honest feedback in friendship is meant to teach you, not criticize you. I promise the right friends won’t run from thoughtful feedback; they’ll listen, learn, and become a better friend from it.

2. Start friendship rituals.

I have a group chat where I started Friendship Fridays: each week, wishing everyone a happy Friendship Friday and dropping a random prompt. No, never will I ever use ChatGPT for it. This is your opportunity to ask something you’re genuinely curious about and learn more about the people you love.

And friendship rituals don’t have to be elaborate or even that frequent. Sometimes it’s as simple as my friends and I taking the Monday after Pride weekend off, collectively playing hooky, and going to the beach just to hang.

3. Save the small details.

Addresses. Birthdays. Emails. Pet names. Little details. I personally use a platform Postable for it.

Just because you collect addresses doesn’t mean you’re sending Christmas cards or wedding save-the-dates. Send snail mail anyway, even if they live down the block. I started my Snail Mail Sundays (SMS) meetup way back when, because I’ll always be a firm believer that no SMS notification can warm your heart quite like a handwritten letter can.

4. Check in intentionally.

Replace one doom scroll a week with reaching out to the friend you haven’t checked in on in a while. Personally, I’m partial to a simple “u up?” text. But you do you, with whatever messaging style feels natural to you.

5. Show up.

It sounds so simple typed out. But I want to reinforce that friendship won’t always feel convenient. It’s not meant to. There will be times you want to stay in, don’t want to take the hour commute to the birthday party, or feel too tired for the random picnic hang someone slapped onto your calendar three days ago.

Go anyway. Simply showing up means more to people than they’ll probably ever tell you.

In conclusion:

Your best friendships will inevitably take effort. But when you find the right ones, you’ll know effortlessly, because every ounce of any exhaustion will always feel worth it.

🙂

It’s super sucky to age and have doctors tell you that you should be weaning off the sport that literally kept you alive. And while I’m still unwilling to part with basketball, I’m slowly trying to pay attention to the skills I’ve sharpened over the many years of playing, and how they might show up in my life indefinitely, regardless.

I had a moment hit me today as I was walking to my friend’s place, on my phone doing the standard mindless scrolling as I walked. I hate how sometimes my fingers go on a doom-hop of their own.. like a bar crawl, but from one app to another. And instead of shots at each stop, it’s a new thing you see that you’ll forget in five minutes but still somehow regret later.

As I was walking, I paused and thought about how f*cked up it was that I wasn’t even taking in the beautiful weather or my surroundings. After all, I’ve spent so many years sharpening my peripheral vision on the court — learning how to see the whole floor, set my teammates up with the right pass so they can make their shot.

But what if I miss my shot at locking eyes with the right person because I chose a screen instead of what was already in my peripheral? 👀

Maybe I should start moving through the world like every step is still on the court. I trained my whole life for this, after all.

Admittedly, when my coworker Hunter told me about it, I fully thought the Artemis II – which tipped off on April Fools – was just blending in with the rest of the fake news that day. Little did I know, my next ten days (and counting) would take my entire social media algorithm to a galaxy I didn’t even know I wanted it to go to.

What struck me about all this space stuff – aside from literally everything – is that these astronauts weren’t just testing the limits of the unthinkable, doing something that’s never been done; they were doing it with lightheartedness, humility, and humor.

At one point during the mission, pilot Victor Glover said:

“…It’s not because we want you to see what we tried to show you; it’s because we want you to take this, and build a vocabulary to explain the world to us.”

That one really hit. Not just because it sounded nice, but because of how deeply selfless it is. Like, even in doing something completely historic, they weren’t centering themselves; they were inviting the rest of us along, letting us all find our own meaning in it.

Some highlights I enjoyed from the endless clips I watched:

• Nutella’s rise to fame
• Rise’s rise to fame (the little character designed by a two-year-old that basically became their emotional support stuffy)
• Taking a call from the president… but clearly wishing they didn’t have to
• Listening to songs like Under Pressure (while casually visiting the moon… no pressure) and Pink Pony Club
• Hiding confetti eggs around the spaceship on Easter
• Naming a crater Carroll after astronaut Reid Wiseman’s wife, who passed from cancer (shoutout to Marielle Kraft who made a song out of it so we can all properly, collectively cry)

These humans are heroes, truly… they pulled us away from the divisiveness our doom scrolls usually drag us into, and instead, made us feel like they were a real-life friend to everyone on Earth.

When they got back, Christina Koch talked about the difference between a crew and a team:

“A crew isn’t just a group of people.
It’s people who are in it – fully, constantly – stroking together with the same purpose.
Willing to sacrifice silently for each other.
Giving grace. Holding each other accountable. A crew shares the same care, the same needs. And a crew is, inescapably, beautifully, dutifully, linked.”

This became their Moon Joy. And it got me thinking about mine.

Moon Joy, to me, is anything that pulls you out of a funk. It can come in a lot of forms, and recently for me, it’s been returning to my roots: basketball.

During another interview, Christina Koch talked about how we don’t really get to experience that depth of teamwork in adulthood anymore. And the more I sat with that, the more I realized she’s right. And honestly… it’s kinda sad.

I wish the world was less centered around competition and more around camaraderie, like this crew proved it can be.

If I could wave a magic wand and bring something new into the world, it’d be a washed-up version of adult AAU basketball. Weekly rec league is cute. We did name our team Carroll – in honor of my recent (very healthy) obsession here – and it still brings me joy. But it doesn’t hit the same as real time with teammates, the kind where you spend enough time together that it naturally becomes quality time.

I know our bodies can’t handle it like they did back when we felt indefinitely inexhaustible, but there are ways around it. These days, I care less about playing time and more about people time.

We don’t need to play 3–7 games a day like we did in AAU, but we can build bigger rosters, play a couple games, ride the bench when needed, and squeeze in a beer in between (then a few more after), and tap back into that team bonding we used to have.

—

I wasn’t such a space slut before this mission, and I’m over the moon (pun so intended) that I suddenly am.

I really hope Artemis II found its way into your algo like it did into mine, and that it’s inspiring you to think a little differently, a little more curiously, and a little beyond what feels insurmountable.

Let’s get after making this world a lighter place. Hug a friend – or, in the words of Rocky, “fist my bump.” 🤜🤛

What if holidays and birthdays just weren’t a thing we did?

This is absolutely me projecting my own experience, yes.

Hear me out though.

I don’t know if I can think of a single person I know who genuinely loves and looks forward to every holiday and celebration. Sure, sometimes we all love a day where we get pampered a little extra. And of course, there’s something about the christmakkuh season that brings moments of joy, even if that joy is sometimes just more time off work and space for self-reflection.

I think this past go-around of each put a lot into perspective for me. Somehow, the dates I used to look forward to the most became the ones I was dreading most.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take any chance I get for a moment of spotlight. Especially if it means being surrounded by a swarm of my favorite people. At the same time, we can’t ignore the fact that holidays, birthdays, and staple celebrations rarely feel like smooth sailing.

Personally, most holidays for me are tied to a lot of old trauma and family drama that doesn’t actually feel good. Birthdays and certain anniversaries, in the grand scheme of things, are lovely. And while often – most times even – the love and happiness outweigh the stings, we as humans are wired in a pretty wonky way. We take one shitty thing and let it cast a shadow over the better stuff. I know I’m not alone in feeling like birthdays don’t always feel cute; we hold people to expectations that can leave us disappointed.

But imagine a world… no birthdays. We just get to be.

We celebrate a best friend on a random Tuesday at 3:33pm. We take a couple hours off work for no explainable reason other than this felt important five minutes ago. No candles. No countdown. No “did you get my text?” or “damn, really thought they’d at least call..” anxiety spiral.

What if we didn’t panic-buy gifts on the one day a year we’ve known was coming for twelve months? What if instead we just gifted them a toy car that looks like the one they loved when they were four but can’t justify buying now, plus a gift card to somewhere with go-karts. Or what if you found a slightly pricey piece of jewelry that made you think of someone and you bought it just because, and gave it to them the next time you saw them, instead of waiting for their birthday because you’re “supposed to.”

I don’t know. There’s something about the expectations baked into birthdays that, at least this year, don’t feel worth the pressure. I wish there were a norm where every day felt created equal, and we just found days to celebrate without needing permission from the calendar.

Because ultimately, if you really love someone, you’ll find a reason to celebrate them every time you’re with them. Or at the very least, being with them will feel like a celebration every time.

Thirty-three is going to be a good year. I know it. I’m nearly confident, knowing what I have coming and what I have to look forward to. But truthfully, I wish I could just be 33. I wish there were a skip card.

Not as a way of ignoring change. Not as a way of avoiding being celebrated. But because the love I feel year-round is enough, and I don’t need an annual date to prove it.

yours truly,

Marty Party – 33, F, my bed

How the fucketh is one supposed to summarize or reflect on a year where my most frequently used phrase was: “I don’t know how to describe the feeling” – [.. then immediately proceeding to list off every feeling, including polar opposite adjectives, to describe the same thing]. I’ve been trying to land on something, anything, to sum it all up. And the best I’ve got is a little analogy:

2025 was kinda like the tortilla slap challenge for adults. Or, similarly, like the Kraft cheese singles for kids – where you whack ’em and brace for the response that hopefully warrants TikTok virality.

An attempt to explain the analogy:

In short, this past year ultimately felt like a slap in the face. But the kind of slap where I don’t know if I should laugh or cry in that moment. Or laugh so hard I cry. Or cry so hard I laugh. I think there’s something cute about the intersection of laughing and crying. They can exist as mutually exclusive, or they can become an intertwined web of an indescribable emotion. If you get a fastball thrown at you via tortilla or a Kraft cheese slice, ultimately you’ll forgive, survive… though not forget that moment (especially because it’s now flooded all over TikTok and settled in your camera roll).

2025 taught me to embrace impermanence. And kinda tempted me to get a TBD permanent tattoo that resembles just that. I’m really trying to avoid the clichés we all already hear and know too well: change is scary and change can be a good thing. This year changed the trajectory of my future in the most terrifying way I never imagined I could handle. Honestly, there are moments I still question if I can. But then I remember the personal growth that changed me too.

Idk, there’s something about the term growing pains that maybe we don’t read the way we should. We read it as a phrase, as a noun. But what if we split it into a noun + verb? Growing pains. Growing fucking hurts sometimes. Growth can be good. It can also feel like a fckn struggle to get there.

My best friend doesn’t ruminate on New Year’s resolutions, and I really respect that. Instead, they choose one word for the year… so I’m replicating their ways here.

My word for 2026: iterative.

Try. Fail. Iterate. Learn. Fail again. Rinse, reuse, repeat.

You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll laugh so hard you cry. You’ll cry so hard you’ll laugh.

… and somehow, you’ll still survive the slap.

2026 here we go, my friend!

I’ve gleaned a great appreciation for so many subtleties just by slowing down and actually soaking in my surroundings. When the macro world is feeling particularly sucky, it’s sometimes worth maximizing the beauty in the micro stuff.

For example:

• walking past a sidewalk and catching a whiff of fresh laundry blowing in the wind, courtesy of those gut-wrenching, budget-friendly Chicago garden units
• walking by and catching a whiff of weed, sans the actual puff puff pass
• learning that you are capable of overcoming your intense hatred of putting on a duvet cover, without letting it ruin the rest of your day
• realizing a $75 monthly Ventra pass exists and now you can commute anywhere and everywhere “for free”
• watching a kid fall and then immediately laugh it off
• the inauspicious, staggered arrival times of snail mail that was dropped off all at once and sent to nearby places
• starting a cookbook collection, just ‘cuz
• shifting from non-fiction memoirs to sapphic smut
• swiping for love and realizing your self-love lives in your self-proclaimed funny flirt lines
• a clean, cozy apartment with a bidet, guest slippers, and all the doggy god-daddy essentials when duty calls
• working at a place where the entire premise is literally your favorite thing in the world… friends
• actually falling for the TikTok search-bar “2025 exit song” trap/scam, learning yours is A Lot More Free by Max McNown, and being shooketh by the accuracy
• having a tissue holder where the tissues are sh*tting out of a cat’s butt for when you get emotional (or sick, or both)

The holidays can suck. And it hits different when you suddenly find yourself living the exact scenario social media parades around every year. For some, this season is painfully hard; for others, it’s a nonstop waterfall of gifts, love, joy, and abyss-level abundance.

I stopped believing in Santa when my Aunt Gosia dressed up as him when I was about four and I recognized her immediately. But I’ll never stop believing that you can find small subtleties that add a little shine back into your life… even, especially, when a quieter holiday season than you’re used to tries to dim it.

So I stole Izzy Bobbie for a couple of days to make the never-ending days feel more like Christmas. Because I’m convinced that if my golden-retriever-like boifriend energy can cut through the fog.. the kind where dogs live in a carefree Christmas mindset because they’re not assigning meaning to a calendar… then maybe, just maybe, every day could feel a little like Christmas. 🎄

I’m sorry if my hat that says “Dead Inside” misled what I intended to be a warm, lively approach. I didn’t tell you that I initially overshot you by half a block, as if asking “can I help you with that?” required some form of bravery.

I’m glad I turned around to help you carry the “bunch of rubbish” you bought from Target; should’ve picked up on your British upbringing with that word choice alone. You referenced River North as home for 25 years, and I shared about it being my work home for two. Our conversation and walk were so brief, but I hope you know that by letting me take that load off your hands, you actually lightened mine… which is ironic coming from someone in a Dead Inside hat, who had no business feeling that alive afterward.

sometimes i question why people gotta be so serious all the time. which is why i think bits are beautiful, and we could all benefit from bringing more bits to fruition.

with that, here’s a bit about three bit examples i hope to bring to life, in hopes of them inspiring bits of your own one day too:

1. your classic, stereotypical u-haul-style home tour date: going to an open house or a few as a third date with a girl. dw.. i’m not dumb enough to actually buy it, but we can start discussing what we liked or didn’t like, and it opens up the opportunity to get a good read on her character and humor based on how she interacts with the real estate tour person.

2. pranking the intern: we have one intern at pie, and he probably already doubted my sanity the moment i introduced myself with “omg you’re gonna be sitting right there?! i’m so glad we’ll get to lock eyes every day.” so many good bits to brainstorm for an intern. for his upcoming graduation, i’m thinking we wrap every single thing on his desk in congratulatory wrapping paper, including the desk itself, and then include a gift, also wrapped. his primary project as a software engineer has been improving an internal platform we use called The Bakery. a good gift could be a kids’ bakery play-doh set that’ll give him the chance to bake some play-doh pie.

3. playing friend feud: i love a good friend bit. the cover pic shows the one time i took my straight men friends to get their nails done, naturally in our matching m&m shirts (marty & the men™️), and then made a dramatic return to the girliepops back at home with “boys are back in town” blasting as we barged in with our premeditated handshakes and dance. anyway, i wanna play friend-feud, family feud style. but the buzzer would be something better, like first person to get to the end of hopscotch gets to go. and don’t get me started on how fun coming up with prompts could become. that could be its own independent hang. an example could be:

name an excuse lesbians might use to leave their great guncle’s birthday early so they can pick up their girlfriend from therapy.

bits are beautiful.

… and you could be too, if you actually commit to them. 😅

Never have I ever even remotely considered Halloween my favorite holiday.. until this year, perhaps. Historically, it’s always been Friendsgiving. And I think I’m happy to report that I’m okay with using the two interchangeably, switching between front-runner and runner-up depending on the moment.

I’ve almost always been a strictly non-fiction reader, with sprinkles of sapphic romcoms that sometimes slip in. So maybe my non-fiction blinders are to blame for why I’ve benched Halloween way more than it deserves. Consider this piece my apology letter to you, Halloween, and a thank-you in advance, my friend, before November 27th rolls around.

The world today is a dumpster fire. And bless my therapist’s heart (11 years and counting) for putting up with me, proudly displaying her “sorry for trauma dumping” sticker that I once gifted her. I’m not gonna get into all the reasons our world sucks right now, because my goal is for you to get through this not-novel-length piece in a single sitting. But I will say: it’s felt liberating to detach from reality in my recent blog posts – to believe in an alternative world where, if I manifest lofty life goals loudly enough, maybe they’ll actually come true someday.

So here’s another attempt, to give my One Less Lonely Girl™️ (who still gets a little lonely sometimes… even with the swagger of Marty McFly) something to reflect on. Maybe in another 11 years, when my therapist is still the longest relationship I’ve ever maintained [2️⃣2️⃣ years & counting], I’ll look back and decide whether the magic of manifestation actually gets you somewhere… or if it’s just a product of being a lil delulu.

Didn’t think I’d be spending Halloween in Columbus this year, but here we are. As my coworker and I were Ubering to an arcade bar, we realized it was trick-or-treating day for the kiddos. She asked the driver if this was the main area for it. After his quick confirmation, I chimed in, “Must be. Look at these huge houses. Definitely where the kids come for their full-sized candy bars.”

I guess, in my dream world, I’d also wish for a home that brings kids that same joy – a full-sized-candy-bar kind of home. But not too big. I’ve never believed in “the bigger, the better” when it comes to where I live. I’d rather reallocate what I’d spend on those extra square feet into decorations and an elevated trick-or-treating experience that’s more original than just candy.

Maybe I’d run little experiments.. like giving out yo-yos, but offering a double-or-nothing round if you score a Bozo bucket toss. Make it in? You win a Bop It & the yo-yo. Miss? You walk away with a Jolly Rancher at best, if you’re lucky. Or maybe I’d set up a generosity game.. where kids can choose between taking a crisp $5 bill, or passing it forward to double the pot for the next trick-or-treater. Or maybe I’d offer something that lasts longer than a candy bar that’s eaten and forgotten.. like a choice between their favorite treat or a Polaroid photo with their family or friends. Something that turns Halloween into a little more permanent memory-maker instead of just a temporary sugar rush.

Idk… maybe I’m too deep in my night-word-vomit to wrap this up neatly. But TL;DR: there’s something really special about Halloween. It’s the one holiday where you can disguise yourself for whatever reason, to be whoever or whatever you want. Whether you dress as someone you aspire to become, the tomb of someone you’d rather not see roaming our world, or an inside joke only your best friend understands, it’s completely okay to assume the role that fulfills whatever you’re fostering.

girl in red fell in love in October. And while the month has nearly passed with me still lover-less, I’m at least leaving it with a newfound love for a holiday I never saw becoming the favorite.

Cuffing season really creeped up on us, cuties.

So, as a Curer of Loneliness professional, I’ve put together a carefully-curated advice column that offers a positive reframe of cuffing season to my fellow queers (& allies of c) – as a reminder that cuffing season can be cute even if you’re not coupled up. I’d like to personally shout out my Snuggle Pillow™️ for reminding me that a snuggle isn’t defined by anyone else being present but you.

Buckle up those carabiners, my queerios; this one’s sure to keep you cheery-eyed.

Trust and believe, I’ve scraped the internet clean doing research on how to survive the doom-ridden days ahead… the ones where the sun sets at 4 p.m. and, subsequently, so does your seasonal serotonin. A basic-betch Google search will tell you: if you’re riding solo this season, that’s okay… don’t be sad… just date yourself and do self-care so you can fall in love with you more!!!

Now don’t get me wrong.. I super support self-care in all its forms. But I kinda wanna call bullshit on you, Google. Idk… like, thx for attempting the pick-me-up, genius, but if feeling a lil lonely and cold when it’s chilly were that easy to solve, there wouldn’t be that whole epidemic my literal full-time job revolves around.

So instead, I suggest you cuff your crush.

Yes, cuff your crush. And I know what you’re thinking: if it were that simple, I wouldn’t even be here trying to take your totally not-science-backed advice.

But here’s what I mean: there are actual, research-backed studies showing that people who ignite their imagination with their partner-in-crime feel more connected overall. So, circling back to your partner-in-crush, use it as an excuse to exercise that creative fuse. If you did swoon that crush (and yes, dream big – celebrities count too), how would you keep things spicy and heartwarming when pumpkin-spice season fades and anything with the word “warm” in it feels wrong because it’s actually frigid AF?

Like, imagine you and Chappell Roan got to canoodling (seriously, set aside your fangirl lens here for a second). You can totally customize your Chappell-crush-curated date however you see fit – just have some funzie with it. For me, I’d rent out that chapel-turned-event-space in the West Loop. I’d Venmo-request her probably 69% of the venue cost (chosen for no other obvious reason than our income differences..). I’d play Hozier’s Take Me to Church, since it’s a song that acts as a metaphor for queer love condemned by religious dogma.

I’d probably wear my forced-to-retire (tbt to when I got fired from the catholic church) altar-boy robe- the one held shut by a rope tied around my waist. I’d wear nothing underneath except my woxers. And when the rope inevitably gets ripped off, we’d recycle it and find better use for it… perhaps during Station 7 (of 12) of the Cross while we play seven minutes in heaven. I’m not saying I’m trying to drop dead by getting nailed to the cross by the end of this baptismal playdate, but if I find myself on my knees repenting to get on the other end of the confessional booth as if we were doing the real-life version of Love Is Blind, just know that’s probably exactly what I needed in that moment to resurrect and return to reality, where I am painfully actually single.

Okay, that was a long-winded example basically to say: you’re allowed to crush on your crushes. No one’s stopping you, even if there’s no one cuddling alongside you. This imaginative mind exercise can even work on a smaller scale.

For example: if you make Lizzy McAlpine your crush, maybe you’ll come to embrace the warm embrace of pancakes for dinner. If you crush on Reneé Rapp, maybe you’ll book a flight across the fckn country – even if your ex is there – because you don’t deserve to live in fear just because of proximity to someone who wasn’t meant to be your forever one.

For real y’all, I’m finding myself more of an ally for those in love than ever before. It’s cute. It’s goals. It makes me happy to watch them. And sad sometimes, when I find myself looking too hard at the beauty of what they’re experiencing. But it’s okay. Until my time comes, I’ll crank the creative gear so that when I’m ready – and the receiver is too – they’ll benefit from the cuter dates I’ll be capable of coming up with.

While my Snuggle Pillow™️ might have no feathers left by the end of this cuffing season from being squished too hard each night, I’m okay with that. And if someone does happen to come around, just know: it’s the Snuggle Pillow™️, not me, you’ll have to ask whether you can sub in.