I wish for everyone to find, embrace, and love the beauty of late-in-life friends, if it feels like that’s something you have, or if it’s something you’re looking for. Not to be confused with a late-in-life lesbian.. but perhaps that label finds you too. Or, if luck swings heavily in your favor, your late-in-life friends will be made up of a lot of lesbians.
It’s admirable when I hear people say they’ve had friends since diapers. And while that’s beautiful, it’s not often the case for most. In my case, I can’t say the Catholic conservative crowds from when I was a kiddo were gonna grow with me as I grew into my confident queerness. And I can’t say the former friends who I later learned voted for Trump were gonna be people I wanted on my life team either.
Looking around at my people – who’s around then versus now – I’m reminded that your favorite people might be ones who joined your life recently, later than you wish they could’ve. Or maybe your favorite friends haven’t even found you yet.
I found myself listening to The Right People Will Love You by Marielle Kraft on loop for exactly that reason. Because you’ll know when you have the right ones around: the people who will run to your rescue even when it’s inconvenient. And inconvenience in friendship is never really a nuisance when the care is genuine. The best friendships aren’t receipt-backed or rooted in some sort of invisible tally system; you just show up for each other because you love each other, and because you want to.
Friendship is at the core of my full-time job, so I think about it constantly, even outside the scope of my own experiences. I’m also realizing I’ve shown some sprinkles of real growth shifting away from my people-pleasing era.
Admittedly, I’m not a perfect friend. But while I hold a lot of research-backed knowledge in my brain about friendship, there are also a few things I really value, and habits I’ve implemented into my own friendships, in case any of it resonates with someone else:
1. Normalize friendship feedback.
For real. We get so comfortable dissecting romantic relationships while forgetting that honest feedback in friendship is meant to teach you, not criticize you. I promise the right friends won’t run from thoughtful feedback; they’ll listen, learn, and become a better friend from it.
2. Start friendship rituals.
I have a group chat where I started Friendship Fridays: each week, wishing everyone a happy Friendship Friday and dropping a random prompt. No, never will I ever use ChatGPT for it. This is your opportunity to ask something you’re genuinely curious about and learn more about the people you love.
And friendship rituals don’t have to be elaborate or even that frequent. Sometimes it’s as simple as my friends and I taking the Monday after Pride weekend off, collectively playing hooky, and going to the beach just to hang.
3. Save the small details.
Addresses. Birthdays. Emails. Pet names. Little details. I personally use a platform Postable for it.
Just because you collect addresses doesn’t mean you’re sending Christmas cards or wedding save-the-dates. Send snail mail anyway, even if they live down the block. I started my Snail Mail Sundays (SMS) meetup way back when, because I’ll always be a firm believer that no SMS notification can warm your heart quite like a handwritten letter can.
4. Check in intentionally.
Replace one doom scroll a week with reaching out to the friend you haven’t checked in on in a while. Personally, I’m partial to a simple “u up?” text. But you do you, with whatever messaging style feels natural to you.
5. Show up.
It sounds so simple typed out. But I want to reinforce that friendship won’t always feel convenient. It’s not meant to. There will be times you want to stay in, don’t want to take the hour commute to the birthday party, or feel too tired for the random picnic hang someone slapped onto your calendar three days ago.
Go anyway. Simply showing up means more to people than they’ll probably ever tell you.
In conclusion:
Your best friendships will inevitably take effort. But when you find the right ones, you’ll know effortlessly, because every ounce of any exhaustion will always feel worth it.
🙂
Hawaiian Princess Pieces 