I live in the first story of a two-flat in Andersonville. (I think that’s vague enough to avoid any stalkers). Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been waking up around 7am, no alarm, impressively, and nowhere to be. The magnolia tree outside the window of our living room is certainly confused, sprouting buds mid-December. As I glance out the window, I’m reminded that the windows could use a good wash, and that to an extent, I could relate to the December – budding magnolia.
As the world’s Jordan year (thanks, sidebraid sista) comes to a close, I want to reflect on the trivialities I’m thankful for, the semi-existential crisis of work, the people who warm my heart consistently, and of course, my writing.
The trivialities:
◦ Bevvies: I’m no caffeine connoisseur but hot damn do I love my iced oat lattes and coffee with coconut creamer. My motto goes: two cups a day keeps me gay. After a visit to World of Coke just a week ago, I have to shamelessly admit how much I love my dabs of caffeine from Diet Coke too. Iced teas, preferably green & peach. OJ. Gatorade. Topo Chico’s from the glass bottles. Picklebacks were a pivotal part of my 2023, and they may slowly but surely be phased out in the next year (please don’t panic, people).
◦ The clutchness of coupons: I’m sorry; but if you don’t have at least 3 different grocery store or shopping apps on your phone and aren’t clipping those damn coupons, do you have a secret to spending so freely? Spill the secret if so.
◦ Jewelry: the edgier, the mismatch-ier the earrings, the better. Also pearl necklaces are what the pretty bois are wearing these days I hear. Ask me about my pretty boi swag.
◦ Trashy reality TV: shoutout, Gerry.
The semi-existential crisis:
LOL @ adulting. Just when I think I’ve got it all figured out, life decides to throw a curveball that sends me spiraling into another profesh existential crisis. Imagine this: I’m sitting at my desk, doing my very best to be a semi-responsible adult, when BAM! The news hits me like a ton of bricks. The company is going KAPOOOOOT. Cue the dramatic music and the internal screaming. So here comes a tragicomedy, with me as the star, desperately trying to navigate the treacherous waters of job hunting. The fear of unemployment is lurking around every corner, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Amidst the chaos, there are glimmers of hope. Serendipitous opportunities have presented themselves, like little rays of sunshine peeking through the storm clouds. So chin up, fellow job hunter, because this rollercoaster ride of life is just getting started. Who knows what exciting adventures await us in the next chapter? Embrace the uncertainty, laugh in the face of adversity, and remember to always update your beneficiaries: I have strong opinions about who that $200 in my bank account is gonna go to.
The people who warm my heart:
I won’t go naming you all, at least at this go around. But I will emphasize how special this year has been. One of my favorite people moved far, far away for the sake of my future startup and to preserve my liver, while still solemnly refusing to donate a kidney in the future. Another favorite reminded me how me meeting her future partner will be a BFD because of the weight my opinion of special people in our lives holds. I reunited with another favorite this year, traveling like the good ol’ days and bringing back the nostalgia of flannel Fridays (rip). My favorite person not only warms my heart but has my heart, even if I have to be her personal radiator every night. There are people that have just entered my life this last year that have already offered up their kidneys, and I just want to catch up on the 29 years of my life y’all missed. I have so many people I couldn’t do this roller coaster of a life without. Buckle up babes, here’s to another drama-full, beautiful year where I have so much love to continue to give y’all.
Writing:
I suppose the primary reason I should be writing is to share something compelling with my readers. I hope my writing resonates with some people, or at least is interesting or entertaining enough to keep them wanting more. I have exactly 12 followers on my blog, 8 of whom I don’t even know. Influencer-bound; that’s for sure. I must break it to y’all who have made it to this point: my journey with my blog has been largely inspired by my own self-interest. My relationship with writing lately has been like a never-ending game of hide-and-seek with my ideas. I’m the seeker, desperately searching for that elusive spark of inspiration, while my ideas are the mischievous hiders, giggling and taunting me from behind the couch of writer’s block. It’s like a never-ending game of cat and mouse, except I’m the mouse and my ideas are the cats, always just out of reach.
While I write these pieces largely for myself, I really do think the audience matters too. A couple dedicated friends made it known to me that they have read my entire blog, start to finish. But for the most part, I’ve never been entirely sure who reads my pieces anymore. If you feel comfy, I’d love for you to subscribe, or just shoot me a text so I know you’ve read it, or maybe even share your thoughts. It’s not that I care about the followers, I just think that if I can keep the people reading this in mind every time, writing would come a lot easier to me. As we wrap up the World’s Jordan year, I know I want to become a better, more frequent writer in 2024. And with that, I remind myself how much MJ had to practice.
I began the year by creating a window into the struggle through writing and finding myself professionally. I’ve tried to leave that window into my thoughts, feelings and experiences wide open all year. I’m looking out the window once again. It’s dark outside now, 4:24pm. Like the magnolia, I’m confused on what I’m supposed to be doing next. But I’ll continue to sprout, even if I’m a little scared to do it in a season when I’m least supposed to.
I’m most likely going to have to move again next year, with my landlord looking to sell our two—flat. But with that, I’m hopeful to have a lovely queer commune purchased by the end of 2024. A heftier goal. And becoming a better writer; the less hefty one.
Grateful for what I saw and shared, and hopeful that it illuminated something worthwhile for you, I’m closing the window — at least until 2024.
Hawaiian Princess Pieces 