cuffing szn: keep swinging

Happy cuffing season, folks!

Now lez be real, cuffing season isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. We all dream of snuggling for three straight months next to the love of our lives near the fireplace in your plaid onesie with a steaming hot cocoa in hand and a Kasey Musgraves album playing ever so softly in the background. I know what you’re thinking: Martha, you’re madly cuffed – who are you to talk? Well people, cuffing szn can take on many different forms. When I think of cuffing szn, I think a few things:

First, fine, I admit it. Cuffing season means being with that special someone, even if it’s to create a corona-tionship until the sun finally stops setting at 4pm. If you know me, you know how much I love playing Cupid; as we inch our way into the peak find-someone-or-you’ll-be-cold-all-winter months, I solemnly swear that I will do everything in my power to wingwoman the shit out of any friends that need it! And once it gets too cold to trek to DS Tequila (rip Bird Cage), my basically voluntary free labor as wingwoman comes to an end. In preparation for that time, I recommend exercising your thumb to improve the efficiency of your left and right swiping skills, perfecting and updating your dating profiles with some cute fallzie portrait mode pics and perhaps adding a poem that will win over your next potential soulmate. Here’s a quick example:

Hello, I’m queer.

Cuffing season is here

The cold winter months are way too near.

I’m ready for some warm apple cider and I’m putting away the ice cold beer.

Will you be my cuddy buddy heading into the new year?

I also want to make something very clear to all my queerdos: I’m not here to stereotype or anything but I do not advise becoming that Uhaul lez right away. Or at least not until you’ve approved your newfound lover’s wall art taste, confirmed that they know how to keep a toilet bowl clean, smelled their morning breath, and know for sure that you’re willing to do each other’s dirty laundry. Finally, if you don’t find that special someone this cuffing szn, so what? Do not obsess over having to find someone to keep you warm this winter; I got you. As Michael Bublè would say, “I just haven’t met you yet…” And yes, fam, before you ask: I’m always happy to provide you with some (highly questionable) relationship advice.

Second, cuffing season is about staying warm and finding solace in my already solidified friendships and forming new ones. Needless to say, my next favorite thing to do aside from playing Cupid is making new friends. When you consider your friends your chosen family, there’s something special about each one, new and old. The beauty of friends is, I can choose to go out with my friends, I can choose to stay in with my friends, I can choose to snuggle platonically with my friends. I’m incomparably lucky for having such genuine, beautiful, caring friends who fill my life with laughter, conversation, weirdness and fun. In short, this cuffing season is a great time to reflect on your relationships; text that college roommate you haven’t spoken to in months or years, sharpie in a coffee date with an old coworker you’ve been meaning to catch up with, fluff your your social GCal with more one-on-one dates with your close friends…

Finally, cuffing season might as well be synonymous with seasonal depression. The days get dark. The wind whips through the cracks of broken windows. We layer up as the temperature drops sub zero. Meanwhile, leaves fall like tears off their branches, leaving trees bare and cold. Hope seems shattered as if it was buried in the brinks of spring. The only Vitamin C we get is listening to “Graduation”, crying as you realize you’re older than all the ages she sings of. And on that note, I’m no certified therapist and can’t offer any wise solutions other than creating that Spotify playlist and sitting there, one with your feelings. So below I share a few songs from my “feels” playlist along with some lyrics that are particularly relatable.

1. Mary Lambert: Secrets

My shit’s not in order

I’m overweight, I’m always late

I’ve got too many things to say

I rock mom jeans, cat earrings

Extrapolate my feelings

My family is dysfunctional
But we have a good time killing each other

…

I can’t think straight, I’m so gay

Sometimes I cry a whole day

I care a lot, use an analog clock

And never know when to stop

And I’m passive aggressive

I’m scared of the dark and the dentist

I love my butt and won’t shut up

And I never really grew up

They tell us from the time we’re young

To hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves

Inside ourselves

I know I’m not the only one

Who spent so long attempting to be someone else

Well, I’m over it

I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are…

2. MisterWives SUPERBLOOM

Resilient little thing, just like mama made you

No one needs to save you..

Wallflower in the spring

Oh, they can’t contain you

Through the cracks, you break through

Ah-na-na, ah-na-na, ah-na-na

I deserve congratulations

‘Cause I came out the other side

I’ve been having revelations

And I’m gon’ let them shine

I deserve congratulations

I’d never thought that I’d survive

If you tell me I won’t make it

That’s when I, that’s when I

Superbloom…

3. Jess Glynne: Don’t Be so Hard on Yourself

Let’s go back to simplicity

I feel like I’ve been missin’ me

Was not who I’m supposed to be

I felt this darkness over me

We all get there eventually

I never knew where I belonged

But I was right and you were wrong

Been tellin’ myself all along

Don’t be so hard on yourself, no

Learn to forgive, learn to let go

Everyone trips, everyone falls

So don’t be so hard on yourself, no

‘Cause I’m just tired of marchin’ on my own

Kind of frail, I feel it in my bones

Won’t let my heart, my heart turn into stone

So don’t be so hard on yourself, no

I’m standin’ on top of the world, right where I wanna be

So how can this dark cloud keep raining over me?…

4. Maren Morris: The Bones

We’re in the homestretch of the high times

We took a hard left

But we’re alright

Yeah, life sure can try to put love through it, but

We built this right, so nothing’s ever gonna move it

When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter

Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter

Let it break ’cause you and I remain the same

When there ain’t a crack in the foundation

Baby, I know any storm we’re facing

Will blow right over while we stay put

The house don’t fall when the bones are good

Call it dumb luck, but baby, you and I

Can’t even mess it up although we both try

No, it don’t always go the way we planned it

But the wolves came and went and we’re still standing…

5. Olivia Rodrigo: hope ur okay

I knew a boy once, when I was small

A tow-head blond, with eyes of salt

He played the drum in the marching band

His parents cared more about the Bible

Than being good to their own child

He wore long sleeves ’cause of his dad

And somehow, we fell out of touch

Hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush

Don’t know if I’ll see you again someday

But if you’re out there, I hope that you’re okay

My middle school friend grew up alone

She raised her brothers on her own

Her parents hated who she loved

She couldn’t wait to go to college

She was tired ’cause she was brought

Into a world where family was merely blood

Does she know how proud I am she was created

With the courage to unlearn all of their hatred

We don’t talk much but I just gotta say

“I miss you, and I hope that you’re okay”