fall AF.

It’s fall as fuck today.

Summer slipped away and I’m stoked. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate summer – it’s just not my favorite. Somehow summer for me has always been the season that I’m never quite ready for; that bikini bod that never quite toned, those ghostly white legs that never quite tanned, the profusive sweat everywhere after literally standing still for two minutes, the white shorts that are impossible to pull off without a tide-to-go pen on hand at all times. Yeah, yeah, yeah.. I’m going to miss the refreshing taste of watermelon, but fall is my fucking favorite. And here’s why:

1. Don’t tell me that you go through all of fall without caving to buy a single pumpkin spice latte. Let’s face it, there’s a little bit of basic betch in all of us. It’s fall.. FLAUNT IT.

2. The leaves are perfect. They’re perfectly colorful and perfectly crunchy and I just want to jump in a pile of them and make leaf angels. The crunch of a fall leaf is comparable to the soothing sound of bubble wrap. Hot damn, Mother Nature, you leaf me in awe once again.

3. I could wear all the flannel I want and it doesn’t even have to be Flannel Friday at Mary’s Attic. On that note, can someone please explain to me why wearing flannel comes with a lesbian implication during any other season? I’m curious, but also, don’t care. Apparently in the fall there’s more lesbians walking around everywhere!

4. I hate horror films and spooky shit, but fall is the one time of the year that I’ll actually go out of my way to shit my pants at the haunted corn mazes of Indiana. And you know what? I’m no longer wearing white pants so that shit doesn’t even matter!

5. Fall brings endless date options. Romantic dates. Friend dates. Family dates. Coworker-bonding dates. Pet dates. Me-day dates. Let’s be real, summer festivals are all basically the same, just on different streets every weekend. Farmers markets are basically the same food, just at different price points. And beach dates aren’t exactly my idea of a quality date. To be completely frank, I actually don’t even like the beach, and it doesn’t have anything to do with my unready beach bod: walking on the sidewalk and sand that feel like lava, being overly careful not to fall asleep because you have to flip over every 10 to 12 minutes, jumping into the water that everyone pees in, running out of the water to feel like the temperature suddenly dropped at least 30 degrees, and finding sand on parts of your body that were never exposed to it in the first place, even three days later. A lot of people love the beach. I would even say most people do, and I completely respect those people’s opinion. I’m just not the beaches’ biggest fan, tbh.

Back to fall dates though.. you could visit all the apple orchards you want (aka more road trips), you could pick the plumpiest of pumpkins and get artsy carving them, you could eat all the cider donuts and sip those pumpkin spice lattes with zero shame. Literally take advantage of all the fall dates this fall, y’all. You might actually fall in love; if not with a significant other, then maybe more with yourself.

6. I already recognize that I’m naturally awkward. I will never be confident enough to feel like the coolest kid on the block. Nonetheless, with my fall boots, the layers, the crew-neck sweaters, the fall-colored jackets, you best believe I inch my way up the swag scale more than ever.

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So let’s face it, fall is a fucking babe; the stud of the seasons you could say. And for anyone who disagrees, feel free to come shovel my sidewalk all winter long when it’ll take pulling me by my ankles to step foot outside.

Happy fall, everyone!

Much love,

Martha